'Til Doom Do Us Part (transcript)

"'Til Doom Do Us Part (transcript)"
Season 2, Episode 40
Production Code:	211B
Airdate:	2013
Villain(s) Featured:	Verminious Snaptrap D.O.O.M. The Chameleon Wanna-Bee
Credits
Writer(s):	Kevin Sullivan, Will Schifrin, Ray DeLaurentis
Art Direction:	George Goodchild
Music by:	Guy Moon
Chronology
Previous Sob Story (transcript)	Next Mud with Power (transcript)

This article is a transcript of the T.U.F.F. Puppy episode "'Til Doom Do Us Part" from Season 2. It will air in 2013.

Transcript

(episode starts at newly modeled D.O.O.M Headquarters)

• Snaptrap: All right! D.O.O.M.'s been remodeled, and we all got our super evil makeovers!
• Ollie: Love the eye patch, boss. It makes you look downright menacing!
• Snaptrap: Oh, that's not part of my evil look. (lifts eye patch up; his right eye is messed up) I have an astigmatism.
• The Chameleon: Yoo-hoo! It is I, the Chameleon! Could one of you let me in? There's no doorknob on your new evil door!
• Snaptrap: Keep your shirt on, Chameleon! I gotta find the evil door opener. (presses button; displays New Year's celebration) Oopsie! That's my evil New Year's Eve button. (presses another button; opens door)
• The Chameleon: Ooh! I love what you've done with the place!
• Snaptrap: Thanks! I used the same decorator who remodeled the Petropolis Hospital for the Criminally Insane. In fact, that's where we met.
• The Chameleon: Oh, I love Pedro! He did my bonus room! Then he set it on fire.
• Snaptrap: Well, now that you're here, I'm going to reveal my ultra-diabolical plan! We're gonna steal - brace yourselves - (turns on monitor) wedding presents! (short silence)
• Larry: (irritated) Seriously?! I had my head shaved for this?!
• Snaptrap: What's your problem, Larry? When you rob weddings, you get all sorts of cool stuff! Plus, you ruin the happiest day of a young couple's life.
• The Chameleon: I love the plan! As always, I am willing to bask in the shadow of your genius.
• Snaptrap: Way to suck up, Chameleon! Here, you can have Larry's chair. He's goin' in the cobra pit! (presses button; accidentally sends Ollie into the cobra pit) Sorry, Ollie. It's hard to read the buttons with my stupid eye patch on. Fransisco, get into the pit and suck the venom out of Ollie's snake bites!

(Transition to T.U.F.F.; Dudley and Kitty head into an elevator to get up to their workspace; Dudley hits 3 floors at first, then he hits a bunch of floors while laughing like a maniac; Kitty is irritated)

• Kitty: (irritated) Dudley, why do you always push all those buttons?! Now, we're gonna stop at every floor!
• Dudley: Sorry. I like the lights. Also, I have no idea what floor we work on.
• Kitty: Honestly! You can be so annoying sometimes!
• Speaker: "Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes the pipes are -"
• Kitty: (off-key) "Oh, Dinah Boy, the pipes the pipes are clogging"!
• Dudley: (irritated) You know what's annoying?! When you sing along to songs you don't know the words to!
• Kitty: (irritated) If you don't like it, why don't you get off the elevator on one of the many floors you pushed?!
• Dudley: I WOULD, but I really like these lights! Look, I made a rocket!

(Dudley and Kitty suddenly get into a sibling-like slap fight, then it turns into a dust cloud of violence)

• The Chief: I hear slapping. Agents Puppy and Katswell must be here!
• Kitty: (breathing heavily; chokes on something, spits out Dudley)
• Dudley: Really?!
• Keswick: Why can't you two be more like the Chief and me? We're sharing his office while my l-l-lab is being remodeled, and we're getting along freemlessly.
• The Chief: Keswick brought in a couple of massage chairs, a big-screen TV, and a sundae bar! We're as happy as Agent Clam.
• Agent Clam: (staring at computer, showing bubbles) Duh......
• Keswick: That's 'cause you're a delight to be around, Ch-ch-Chief.
• The Chief: Oh, no! You're the delight.
• Dudley: Speaking of lights, you guys wanna see the rocket I made?
• Kitty: No one wants to see the rocket!

(slap fight starts up again; intel alarm goes off)

• Keswick: Chief, we've got intel that Snaptrap and the Chameleon are going to r-r-rob a wedding and steal all the gifts!
• The Chief: Agents Puppy and Katswell, go check it out! I know it's not that big a deal, but it's a slow day, and we get paid by the crime.
• Kitty: We're on it! (both run back to elevator)
• Dudley: (pressing multiple buttons) Look, the rocket's going down now!
• Kitty: (hitting Dudley on the head) Dudley!

(slap fight starts up yet again)

(Transition to wedding; D.O.O.M. is there, waiting for the signal to steal the presents)

• Snaptrap: I'm totally stylin' in my high school prom tuxedo! (cloth pops off)
• Ollie: Um, you didn't go to prom, boss.
• Larry: You didn't even go to high school.
• Snaptrap: Well, I would've if they hadn't thrown me in prison for stealing my prom tuxedo. Ah, those were the days. No matter how heinous the crime, they couldn't prosecute you as an adult.
• The Chameleon: (turns into gift table; laughs) Now that I'm the gift table, everyone will hand their presents to me!
• Snaptrap: Well done, Chameleon! That's something I'd never say to Larry, unless I'm roasting him on a spit.
• Larry: Hang on, Snaptrap. I'm just as good of a henchman as the Chameleon! (goes on all fours) Look at me! I'm a table! Put your presents and/or empty drink glasses on me!
• Snaptrap: You're embarrassing yourself, Larry! If this eye patch didn't mess with my depth perception, I'd kick you right into the punch bowl! (sees guests setting down presents) Oh, goodie! Looks like we hit the jackpot! (unwraps Croc Pot) Nope, I'm wrong. We hit the Croc Pot.

(Dudley and Kitty bust through the doors; Kitty has her blaster ready while Dudley has bags of ice)

• Kitty: Dudley, what're you doing?
• Dudley: I brought ice to throw at the bride and groom. It's a tradition.
• Kitty: That's rice!
• Dudley: No, it isn't! Get your eyes checked, woman! You might an astig-matab-inism.
• Kitty: Dudley, look! There's Snaptrap!
• Dudley: That is a pirate! Once again, eyes checked!
• Kitty: Come on! We need to stop him from stealing those presents!
• Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the bride to throw the bouquet!
• Kitty: (distracted) Gotta catch it! Need to marry Eric, the T.U.F.F. water delivery guy! (holds picture of Eric to her chest; sighs in love)
• Dudley: Must fetch anything being thrown! (catches bouquet; Kitty grabs him, trying to get it as well; the two land in the cake)
• Snaptrap: It's Agents Puppy and Katswell! Grab the gifts and run! (grabs presents; runs into pole 3 times) Stupid eyepatch!
• Bride: Oh, no! The presents are gone!
• Dudley: You think that's bad? My bag of ice melted. By the way, congratulations! (throws melted ice at the bride; she screams; Dudley is embarrassed) Uh, I hope you registered for some towels.
• Bride: I did. They were stolen!
• Dudley: Boy, she's got an answer for everything. (to groom) Good luck to you.

(Transition to T.U.F.F; Dudley has the bouquet in his mouth; Kitty is trying to get it away from him)

• Kitty: Dudley, give me the bouquet! I have to marry Eric, so he can take me away from all this! And by "all this", I mean you!
• The Chief: Let me guess - you two got the bouquet instead of the bad guys.
• Dudley: (spits out bouquet) Nobody threw the bad guys!
• Kitty: That doesn't make any sense!
• Dudley: (angry) Neither does making your partner leave a wedding before the food was served! I could've had my choice of CHICKEN OR FISH!!

(yet another slapfight)

• Keswick: (holding coffee cups) Herbert, I made us spiced pumpkin lattes with a dash of cinnamon. Sweet and a l-luh-l-little spicy, just like you.
• The Chief: Keswick, you're a doll.

(As Dudley and Kitty are fighting, the intel alarm goes off, but it sounds different)

• Kitty: Who changed the intel alarm?
• the Chief: Keswick did. It's our song. They were playing it when he first moved into our office.
• Keswick: Were we ever that young? (looks at monitor) Looks like Snaptrap and the Chameleon are r-r-r-robbing another wedding!
• The Chief: Agents Puppy and Katswell, try to stop slapping each other long enough so you can slap the cuffs on them!
• Kitty: We're on it, and we won't come back without the bad guys!
• Dudley: And I won't come back without chicken or fish! (crying) Why do I have to choose?!

(Transition to another wedding)

• Snaptrap: Time to score more wedding presents! Although, it's gonna be hard to beat the panini griller we stole from the Bronstein wedding. Where's the Chameleon?
• The Chameleon: (off-screen) Yoo-hoo! (swishes to him in ice sculpture form) I am already here! Hope you didn't think I was giving you the "cold shoulder"! (laughs) It's clever.
• Snaptrap: Good job, Chameleon! You're really bringin' it!
• Larry: I can bring it, too! See? I'm an ice sculpture, too!
• Snaptrap: You wanna be cold and stiff, Larry? (aims blaster at him) Just keep runnin' your mouth! (misses Larry and hits the bride) Whoopsie! Hit a guest! Serves her right for wearing white to a wedding.
• Ollie: That's the bride, boss.
• Snaptrap: Really? Someone's marrying her? She must have a great personality. (sees guests putting presents down) Now, let's check out these presents! (shakes present) Please be a gravy warmer! Please be a gravy warmer!
• Fransisco: Eh, sounds like the 18-piece gourmet knife set the bride and groom registered for.
• Snaptrap: (amused) Ooh! I'll be the envy of every back alley knife fight!
• Kitty: All right, Dudley. Let's split up!
• Dudley: Good idea! I'll search the chicken and/or fish! I've decided I'm getting both. You search everything else, and whatever you do, DON'T dance! Your bad dancing will call attention to us.
• Kitty: (offended) What?! First of all, I am a great dancer! And second of all, I'm totally focused on the mission!
• "Oh, Danny Boy--"
• Kitty: (distracted) Ooh! That's my jam! (off-key) "Oh, Darnah Boy, the baby wipes are cogging"!
• Dudley: (distant; annoyed) LEARN THE WORDS!!!
• Snaptrap: Wait a minute... That dancing's so bad, it can only be one person - (holds up paper) Agent Kitty Katswell!
• Ollie: Looks like the jig is up.
• Snaptrap: That was a jig? I thought she pulled a butt muscle.
• Ollie: Speaking of butt muscles, there's Agent Puppy at the buffet table.
• Dudley: (devouring the chicken and/or fish)
• Snaptrap: Quick! Let's grab the presents and skedaddle!
• Dudley: (walks over to The Chameleon ice sculpture) Man, that chicken and/or fish was salty, and I need some ice for my fruit punch. (chips at The Chameleon, who is holding in his pain) Wait a minute. I should really throw this ice at the bride! (throws sculpture to bride)
• Kitty: (still dancing horribly) I don't see the bad guys. Wait, all the gifts are gone!
• Dudley: (looks at buffet table) And so is the chicken and/or fish! No, I ate that.
• Announcer: It's time for the bride to throw the bouquet!

(Dudley and Kitty both try ti get it at the same time, but they crash into each other)

• The Chameleon: Congratulations, Melinda and Brock! Thanks for sharing your special day, and your gravy warmer!

(Transition to T.U.F.F.; Keswick and The Chief are pacing the floor wearing matching robes)

• Keswick: It's been 3 days, and we still haven't heard from Agents Puppy and K-k-Katswell.
• The Chief: I'm worried, Keswick. We looked everywhere!
• Keswick: Well, maybe not everywhere. We checked their c-c-c-cubicles and the bathroom. As far as I'm concerned, that's a solid day's work.
• Dudley: Hey, Chief. We were stuck in the hospital for the last 3 days. Ms. I-Have-to-Marry-Eric gave us subdural hepotomas!
• Kitty: Hey, Chicken-and/or-Fish breath, I'M not the one with the fetching problem! (another slapfight)
• The Chief: Well, while you were gone, Snaptrap and the Chameleon hit a dozen more weddings! Because of your bickering, they're a lot of newlyweds in this town eating cold gravy and ungrilled paninis!
• Keswick: And that's not the worst of it! The bad guys have gone on such a rampage, brides and grooms all over the city are c-c-cancelling their weddings!
• The Chief: Florists have stopped making wedding bouquets, and the city is overrun with flowers! (shows giant flower bushes) Hay Fever is at an all-time high!

(Cut to people sneezing from flowers)

• Keswick: And then, there's the b-b-bee problem.
• Random Citizen: AAAAAAGH! THE BEEEEES!!
• The Chief: And worst of all, with no one making wedding cakes, the Alaskan frosting pipeline is backing up!
• Keswick: It could b-blah-blow any time!
• The Chief: There's only one way to lure the villains out - we'll have to stage our own wedding, with gifts so tempting, the bad guys won't be able to resist them! We just need a couple to play the bride and groom.
• Keswick: If you throw water on me, I could become a couple. (The Chief awkwardly stares at Keswick) Strange things happen when you get a K-k-k-Keswick wet.
• The Chief: No no, Keswick. I won't put you in harm's way. We need a more expendable couple.
• Keswick: (annoyed by the slapfight) Have you two even been listening?
• Dudley: Yeah, (puts Kitty in headlock) you said something about the Bee Gees and sneezing, which is weird 'cause I'm allergic to the Bee Gees. They give me Night fever. (slapfight continues)
• The Chief: Congratulations, Agents Puppy and Katswell! You're getting married!
• Dudley and Kitty: (short pause) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......

=Part 2=

• Dudley and Kitty: ....OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
• The Chief: It's been a half-hour. Are you guys done screaming yet?
• Dudley and Kitty: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
• Kitty: Why do we have to pretend to get married?! Can't we just go to D.O.O.M. and arrest Snaptrap?!
• Keswick: We tried that, but Snaptrap's new evil lair doesn't have d-duh-doorknobs, so we couldn't get in. No, we'll just have to fake a wedding.
• The Chief: In order for this to work, you'll really have to sell it! You have to pretend you're in love, and you can't tell anyone that the wedding's a fake!
• Dudley: Oh, come ON! Don't take this the wrong way, Kitty, but the thought of marrying you makes me throw up in my mouth!
• Kitty: Oh, yeah? Well, don't take (smacks Dudley) THIS the wrong way!
• Dudley: AGH! You made me swallow my throw-up! (slapfight)
• The Chief: I hope you and I never end up like that, Keswick. By the way, did you do something special with your hair today? It's absolutely gorgeous. (watch rings) Look at the time! The cake I made to celebrate us sharing an office is done!
• Keswick: Chief, what a stunning t-t-time piece! The gold inlay complements the sheen on your exoskeleton.

(slapfight still goes on)

• The Chief: Knock it off, you two! You can fight after you're married like everyone else does! We've got a wedding to plan!