"Share-A-Lair (transcript)"
Season 1, Episode 10
Share-A-Lair Title Card.png
Production Code: 105B
Airdate: October 23, 2010
Villain(s) Featured: Verminious Snaptrap
The Chameleon
Writer(s): Ray DeLaurentis
Will Schifrin
Kevin Sullivan
Director(s): Michelle Bryan
Storyboards by: Fred Gonzales
Art Direction: George Goodchild
Music by: Guy Moon
Toast of T.U.F.F. (transcript)
Dog Daze (transcript)

This article is a transcript of the T.U.F.F. Puppy episode, "Share-A-Lair" from Season 1. It aired on November 27, 2010.


  • (episode starts at T.U.F.F. headquaters; daytime)
  • The Chief: "Attention T.U.F.F. agents! We're expecting a transmission from our new field operative-"
  • (slurping noises; Dudley is licking up water from the toilet bowl)
  • The Chief: (via monitor) "Agent Puppy, I told you not to drink from the toilet!"
  • Dudley: "I'm not, this is the water fountain."
  • The Chief: (points) "That's the water fountain!"
  • Dudley: "Ohhh, someone should hang a sign. In the meantime, NOBODY DRINK FROM THE WATER FOUNTAIN!
  • (Kitty, who happens to be drinking from the fountain, spits water out in disgust and wipes it off her tongue)
  • Keswick: "Chief, the transmission from our new operative Agent Rodentski is c-c-c-c-coming through." (holds ball, which opens and projects a hologram of Agent Rodentski)
  • Agent Jumbo: "Eeek! A mouse!" (stomps hologram of mouse, [which is unaffected] crushing the Chief in the process)
  • Agent Rodenski: (hologram) "Red alert T.U.F.F. agents! D.O.O.M. is about to launch a missile strike against TUFF headquarters!"
  • The Chief: "All right everyone, assume Defensive Maneuver 17!"
  • Dudley: "What's that?"
  • Keswick: (typing quickly) "Launch a counterstrike and r-r-r-run scream into the bathroom." (presses button, missile countdown starts and red alert)
  • (everyone runs screaming into bathroom, except for Dudley who runs in the opposite direction)
  • Kitty: (disembodied) "Dudley, that's the water fountain!"
  • Dudley: "I told you to hang a sign!"
  • (missiles launched from T.U.F.F. HQ; quick cut to Snaptrap playing a Scrabble-like game in his lair with the rest of his posse. They're eating ice-cream.)
  • Snaptrap: (placing tile) "That's schmoodled, for 370 points!"
  • Larry: "That's not a word! Use it in a sentence."
  • (Snaptrap blasts Larry)
  • Snaptrap: "There. I schmoodled Larry."
  • (receives a transmission from Agent Weaselman)
  • Snaptrap: "Hey look, it's our new field operative Agent Weaselman. Sorry you're not here at our ice cream social. We're having pistachio with rainbow sprinkles."
  • Agent Weaselman: (via hologram in a German accent) "Actually I'm glad I'm not there. T.U.F.F. has launched a missile strike against you. You're about to be schmoodled!"
  • Snaptrap: "Aaaaahhhh! Launch a counterstrike while I finish Larry's ice cream!" (Ollie launches missiles)
  • (T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M.'s missiles fly by each other in the air, then fall and destroy their opponents' HQs)
  • Dudley: (in T.U.F.F.'s ruins) "Boy, we really got schmoodled."
  • The Chief: "We'll need a temporary HQ while T.U.F.F. is being rebuilt. I know the perfect spot!"
  • (cut to kids playing at Pete-Za Possum Party Palace; T.U.F.F. agents are eating pizza)
  • The Chief: "I told you this was perfect. Someone pass me a slice of pepperoni." (kid drops pizza slice on The Chief) "Thank you Tommy. Oh, and happy birthday."
  • (Dudley, Keswick and Kitty emerge from ball pit; they all have pink eye.)
  • Keswick: "Bad news, Chief. We all got pink eye from the b-ball pit. Also, we're getting another emergency tra-tra-transmission from Agent Rodentski."
  • (Rodentski appears on TV monitor; Agent Jumbo reacts in horror, jumping backwards and crushing Chief again)
  • Agent Rodentski: "Red alert, D.O.O.M. is launching another missile strike!"
  • The Chief: "Tommy, blow out the candles and initiate counterstrike!" (kid blows candles, lifts cakes and presses button; missiles launched from roof)
  • (cut to D.O.O.M. in Mrs. Yip's Salon)
  • Snaptrap: "This is the perfect place for our new headquarters. We can discuss our top secret evil plans, and get a mani-pedi! I love the polish I picked!"
  • Agent Weasleman: (on TV) "Attention D.O.O.M.! T.U.F.F. has launched another missile strike!"
  • Snaptrap: "We need a counterstrike! Mrs. Yip, shave my toes and fire the missiles!" (Mrs. Yip takes out chainsaw and presses button hidden in bust)
  • (missiles are launced from a hood hair-dryer on the salon's roof; T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. missiles fly by each other once again, to destroy the other's new HQ; explosion followed by a cut to D.O.O.M. in a library)
  • Snaptrap: "I love our new library lair! There's free wi-fi and I found this great book on how to grow your own herb garden."
  • Librarian: "Shhhh!" (leaves)
  • Snaptrap: "Sorry Mrs. Handleman!" (whispers) "Larry, go put a cobra in her car." (Larry goes off with cobra)
  • (D.O.O.M. receives a transmission via laptop)
  • Agent Weaselman: "Attention D.O.O.M., T.U.F.F. is planning another attack. Which means we should strike first!"
  • Snaptrap: "Honestly Weaselman, do you ever call with good news? Fire the missiles!"
  • (D.O.O.M. missiles launched from library destroy T.U.F.F. headquarters off-screen; in reply T.U.F.F. launches missiles to destroy library, causing D.O.O.M. to launch even more missiles to which T.U.F.F. replies with another missile launch)
  • (D.O.O.M. missiles destroy T.U.F.F. coffee shop; T.U.F.F. missiles destroy D.O.O.M. treehouse; D.O.O.M. missiles destroy T.U.F.F. phone booth; T.U.F.F. missiles destroy D.O.O.M. portable toilet)
  • (Transition to T.U.F.F. agency in what seems to be a dump; T.U.F.F. agents are injured, Dudley, Kitty, Keswick and The Chief are huddled around barrel fire)
  • The Chief: "This is crazy! We can't conduct top secret business in the dump!"
  • Keswick: "It's not the dump, it's city hall. We accidentally bleubleh-blew it up."
  • (An overly perky realtor emerges from the trash heap.)
  • Bunny: "Hi, I'm Bunny with Petropolis Realty and I just happen to be trawling the dump for clients. You folks look like you could use a new office."
  • Dudley: "Nah we're good. We've got a camp fire and this ugly shoe to chew on!" (Dudley chews on Kitty's boot)
  • Kitty: (disgusted) "Ugh! That's my shoe!" (kicks Dudley in the head; an angry Dudley starts a slap-fight with Kitty)
  • (Everyone watches them fight)
  • The Chief: "We'll take that office ASAP."
  • (cut to new office building)
  • Bunny: "This is the only building in town that hasn't been blown up. Oh, and just so you know it's already half-rented so you'll have to share! (T.U.F.F. enters office, but spots D.O.O.M.; gasps)
  • The Chief: "D.O.O.M.?!"
  • D.O.O.M. (Snaptrap, Ollie, Larry, Francisco, Leather Teddy and Bad Dog): "T.U.F.F.?!"
  • (Bunny legs it; D.O.O.M. and T.U.F.F. confront each other with blasters)
  • Snaptrap: "You T.U.F.F. agents destroyed every one of our evil lairs... and ruined a perfectly good mani-pedi. It's payback time!"
  • The Chief: "You started this fight and now we're gonna finish it!"
  • Snaptrap: "Nooo, you started it and we're gonna finish it!"
  • Kitty: "Wait, if we attack each other now we're going to destroy our own headquarters."
  • The Chief: (lowers blaster) "Kitty's right. We're gonna have to call a truce and share the office."
  • Snaptrap: "D.O.O.M... and T.U.F.F., sharing an office? How will that work?"
  • (♫ Parody of the Brady Bunch opening sequence, complete with vocals from and images of T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫)
  • T.U.F.F. (Chief looks awkwardly at Kitty, Dudley and Keswick)
  • ♫ Here's the story, of a Chief named Chief. ♫
  • ♫Who was leader of an agency named T.U.F.F. ♫
  • ♫ They were all really good guys, who worked together... until their lives got rough. ♫
  • D.O.O.M. (Snaptrap humiliates Larry)
  • ♫ Here's the story, of a rat named Snaptrap. ♫
  • ♫ Who was leader of an evil place called D.O.O.M. ♫
  • ♫ Things were going well until they lost their hideout... and had to rent a room. ♫
  • ALL (Everyone looks at each other, suspiciously)
  • ♫ And then one day the good guys met the bad guys.. ♫
  • ♫ And they knew that it was much more than a fad.. ♫
  • ♫ That this group, could learn to live together... and still stay good and bad. ♫
  • ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫
  • ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫
  • ♫ And only one of us will leave this room! ♫
  • (♫ end of song ♫)
  • Snaptrap: "Okay that makes sense, this is gonna work out great!"
  • (cut to musical montage of T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. working at opposing sides of the room, still suspicious of each other)
  • (Dudley launches a rubberband at Snaptrap, hitting him; smug, Dudley does a secret handshake with Kitty)
  • (Keswick takes off his goggles while taking a break from welding an Iron Giant-like robot; there are black circles around his eyes, drawn on by Larry who is laughing at him)
  • (Larry is typing, suspicious of a prank; takes a sip from his mug but is snared by a mousetrap.. and more mousetraps; Dudley, The Chief, Kitty and Keswick laugh)
  • (Ollie paints "Bathroom" onto a door that leads to a vertical drop outside; Dudley walks in, apparently uses the non-existent bathroom and walks out; puzzled Ollie walks through the door, only to fall)
  • (Kitty purchases a snack from the break room's vending machine, which happens to be a stick of dynamite; ka-boom; Ollie, Francisco and Bad Dog laugh)
  • (end of montage; cut to Snaptrap at his desk; phone rings he picks it up)
  • Snaptrap: "Hello?"
  • Dudley (via phone): "Yes, is Anita Bath there?"
  • Snaptrap: "Anita Bath?"
  • Dudley: "YOU SURE DO! HA!" (Kitty, Dudley, The Chief and Keswick laugh)
  • Snaptrap: "Okay, that tears it!" (rolls sleeves and pulls out blaster) "This means war!"
  • (T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. confront each other once again; they try to fire their blasters but nothing happens)
  • Snaptrap: "Darn it, we're out of ammo."
  • The Chief: "Us too."
  • (Bunny enters through door)
  • Bunny: "Hi gang! It's me, Bunny. I just stopped by with a moving present. It's a gift basket filled with assorted tees, fancy caches and seven hundred rounds of ammo!" (hands over ammunition to T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. to their confusion) "Enjoy! Now go back to annihilating each other!"
  • Kitty: (confused) "Wait a minute. Why is our real estate agent giving us ammunition?"
  • Dudley: "And isn't it a little coincidental that she rented us both the same office?"
  • (Bunny tries to escape, but Kitty blocks the door)
  • Kitty: (suspicious) "Something tells me that she's not really a real real estate agent at all!"
  • Dudley: "For real?"
  • Bunny: (nervous clinging to ceiling) "I don't know what you're talking about." (The Chameleon's voice) "Oooh, silver fish!" (shoots tongue and eats)
  • Dudley: "Wait a minute! I'd recognize that tongue anywhere!"
  • Everyone: "It's The Chameleon!"
  • The Chameleon: (transforms back into himself) "Yes. Hehehehe-hehe-uhehe! It is I, the Chameleon! I only disguised myself as Bunny, your real estate just like I disguised myself as your new field agents Weaselman and Rodentski!"
  • Agent Jumbo: "Eeek!"
  • Kitty: "What? Why would you do that?"
  • The Chameleon: "So I could lie to you about the missile strikes and get you to destroy each other! You see, I wanted revenge on T.U.F.F. for putting me in jail!"
  • Snaptrap: "But why would you want revenge on D.O.O.M.? We're bad guys like you."
  • The Chameleon: "Bad guys who never invite me to your ice cream socials!" (flashback) "Sometimes, I stand alone in the rain and I can hear you enjoying your ice cream, sharing personal stories.. and rainbow sprinkles." (end of flashback) "But since you wouldn't annihilate each other, I will have to do the job myself!" (pulls out rocket launcher) "Oooh, ladybug!" (eats ladybug)
  • Dudley: (smug) "Okay, hold the phone. I'd buy you were Bunny the Realtor and Agent Weaselman, but there's no way you were Agent Rodentski."
  • Agent Jumbo: "Eeek!"
  • Kitty: "Dudley, what are you talking about?"
  • Dudley: (pushes Agent Jumbo towards The Chameleon) "I'm just sayin', that was a very realistic field mouse and let's face it, the Chameleon's just not that good." (runs)
  • The Chameleon: "I beg to differ! My field mouse won first place at my neighbor Mrs. Ungerman's costume party!"
  • Dudley: "Prove it!"
  • The Chameleon: "You got it buster." (transforms into Rodentski) "Told you! Note the mouse-y whiskers, twitching nose and realistic mouse droppings. Don't be alarmed, I use raisins." (eats raisins with long tongue)
  • Agent Jumbo: "Aaaaaah! Aah! Eek! A mouse!" (crushes Chameleon, who transforms back into himself; runs away)
  • The Chameleon: (dizzy) "See, it fooled the elephant." (Kitty handcuffs Chameleon)
  • (♫ Another parody of the Brady Bunch theme, this time with The Chameleon behind bars in the middle ♫)
  • ALL
  • ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫
  • ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫
  • ♫ And only one of us will leave this room. ♫
  • Larry: "Those weren't raisins! Ha-ha. "
  • (♫ end ♫)
  • The Chief: "Good job, Agent Puppy!"
  • Snaptrap: "Yeah I like your style. Maybe we can get along!" (phone rings, answer it) "Y-hello!"
  • Dudley: (impersonation) "Yes, is I.M. Stinky there?"
  • Snaptrap: "I.M. Stinky?"
  • Dudley: "You sure are!" (everyone laughs, including the rest of D.O.O.M.)
  • Snaptrap: "That tears it! This is WAAAARR!" (Snaptrap and The Chief press buttons, launching missiles which fly up into space, return to the Earth and destroy the building)
  • (ending gag of T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. striking a pose after being thrown out of their exploding building)

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