Lucky Duck (transcript)

"Lucky Duck (transcript)"
Season 1, Episode 37
Production Code:	119B
Airdate:	September 17, 2011
Villain(s) Featured:	Quacky the Duck Sharing Moose The Chameleon
Credits
Art Direction:	George Goodchild
Music by:	Guy Moon
Chronology
Previous Snappy Campers (transcript)	Next Guard Dog (transcript)

This article is a transcript of the T.U.F.F. Puppy episode, "Lucky Duck" from Season 1. It aired on September 17, 2011.

Transcript

• (The episode abruptly starts with static, revealing The Chameleon)
• The Chameleon: "Beware T.U.F.F. agents! It is I, The Chameleon, here to terrify you with my latest diabolical plan!"

• (view cuts to show The Chameleon on a television monitor, in an empty T.U.F.F. headquarters; it is morning)

• The Chameleon: "Hello? Is anyone at work yet?"

• (lights are switched on, The Chief enters room holding a briefcase and pushing a cup of hot coffee)

• The Chief: "Hang on Chameleon, I haven't had my coffee."

• (Kitty, Keswick and Dudley follow The Chief inside)

• The Chameleon: (on monitor) "Okay, sorry.. I already had a pumpkin latte and a cranberry scone, but take your time."

• (cut to The Chief)

• The Chief: "Alright, we're all here. Dazzle us Chameleon."

• The Chameleon: "Right! Oh-" (clears throat) "It is I, The Chameleon! Whoops, I said that already. Oh, let me check my cards." (checks cards) "Pumpkin latte...did that. Let me just cut to the chase.." (cut to The Chameleon in his hideout, standing in front of a cannon aimed at the sky) "I am going to blow up, Pluto! A-haha-haha! The laugh was an ad-lib."

• The Chief: "You fiend! Agents, stopping The Chameleon is our top priority!"

• Dudley: (points to time on Quacky watch) "Chief, it's nine o'clock. Quacky the Duck is on!"

• The Chief: (puts on Quacky hat) "Forget The Chameleon, our new priority is turning to channel thirteen!"

• The Chameleon: (on monitor) "Oh wait, you're turning the channel? Oh you've got to be kidding-"

• (Keswick changes the channel to Channel Thirteen, where the "Quacky the Duck" show is airing; Quacky is standing in front of the camera, against a lake backdrop lit by a floodlight)

• Quacky the Duck: (on TV; waving) "Hi kids! Welcome to the "Quacky the Duck" show! First up, the Sharing Moose is gonna teach Billy the Bully, what happens when you don't share!"

• (cut to the Sharing Moose)

• Sharing Moose: (deep, punches fist into palm) "I'm comin' for you Billy." (cut to studio audience of kids)

• Billy the Bully: (sitting in audience) "Aaaaah!" (drops chocolate bar; chased off-screen by Sharing Moose)

• Quacky: "I bet next time Billy will bring enough candy for everyone." (chomps on chocolate bar; cut to a giant bingo cage-like sphere containing mail; Quacky turns handcrank, causing the cage to spin) "And now to pick my Helper for this week's scavenger hunt."

• Dudley: (watching TV) "Oh pick me! Please pick me! Pick me!" (inaudible)

• The Chief: (at the same time, jumping up and down) "Oh, me! Me! Me! Pick me! Pick me, please!"

• Quacky: (grabs envelope and reads) "This week's Lucky Duck is... Dudley Puppy!"

• Dudley: (celebrates, jumping onto Kitty's shoulders on ripping his shirt off) "YEEEEEEEES, I'm the Lucky Duck! This is the best day EVVVERRRR!"

• The Chief: (visibly disappointed, emotional) "I'm.... very happy for you Agent Puppy. (runs off into his office, crying) "Nothing good ever happens to me, my life is a joke!" (slams door)

• Quacky: (on TV; Dudley dances) "Congratulations Dudley Puppy, come on down to the studio to start your scavenger hunt!"

• Dudley: "Kitty, every Lucky Duck gets a Helper Duckling and I pick you."

• Kitty: (takes out signed photograph) "That's sweet, but I'm not that into Quacky, since he fired the Grammar Gopher. Wouldn't you rather pick someone who's as big a fan as you are?"

• Dudley: "Hmm, I can't think of anyone."

• The Chief: (disembodied voice, in office; crying) "Nooooo, ooohh...it's a joke."

• Dudley: "Nope, no one comes to mind. Now let's go meet Quacky!" (runs off, dragging Kitty along with him)

• (transition to studio; Quacky hosting his show, sitting in front of the camera with the Nutrition Newt)

• Quacky: "Thanks for the healthy eating tips, Nutrition Newt. We'll be back after a word from our sponsor-" (advertisement image appears) "new sugar-packed Quacker Jacks... now with even more trans fats."

• Dudley: (watching filming; excited) "Kitty, I can't believe we're actually here! What are the odds?"

• Quacky: (appears in front of bags of mail) "Pretty good, considering you sent in ten thousand letters! Although you might want to work on your spelling." (takes out reading glasses and reads a letter)

• Quacky: (reading the letter) ""Deer Quirky, please pick me too be you're leaky dock! Signed, Didley Poopy"."

• Kitty: (a bit arrogant) "You know, you wouldn't have to read letters like that if you hadn't fired the Grammar Gopher." (big eyes; teary) "I miss him."

• Quacky: "Yeah! Fired him. That's what we did, terminated his employment."

• Sharing Moose: "Blow it up Quacky."

• (Quacky and Sharing Moose fistbumps)

• (cut to Quacky the Duck show returning from commercial break to fanfare)

• Announcer: "And now, back to the show."

• (curtains are pulled, revealing Kitty, a nervous Dudley, Quacky and Sharing Moose on stage)

• Quacky: "Hey everybody! Put your feathers together for this week's Lucky Duck, Dudley Puppy." (kids cheer; to Dudley) "Are you ready to start the scavenger hunt?"

• Dudley: (extremely nervous, sweating) "Bet you I am! Sorry. TV being all nervous me makes!" (to Kitty, normal) "I'm a natural."

• Quacky: (looks at image boards held by Sharing Moose) "Okay, you need to bring me eight cases of pudding, a police radio and a map to Mexico."

• Dudley: (nervously salutes) "You can me on count!"

• Quacky: "Tune in tomorrow, kids, to see if our Lucky Duck earns his wings..." (holds out a winged Quacky hat; advertisement displayed on screen) "...and a lifetime supply of Quacker Jacks, now with artificial bacon cheese."

• (kids cheer, scene zooms out to display the show on a monitor in the studio's backstage area; Dudley and Kitty walk into frame)

• Kitty: "A police radio and a map to Mexico? Don't you think that's a little weird? The last Lucky Duckling only had to get a yo-yo."

• Dudley: (adamant) "Never question Quacky! Oh, I'm starting to wish I'd picked a different Helper Duckling! But sadly there was no one!"

• (quick cutaway to The Chief, crying in his office)

• The Chief: "No one.. why not meee?!" (tears flood room)

• (cut back to studio)

• Dudley: "We'll be right back Quacky!" (exits from frame)

• Sharing Moose: (suspicious) "I don't trust that cat. Let's keep an eye on her." (eyes suddenly widened as if surprised)

• Dudley: (voice) "Keep an eye on who?"

• Sharing Moose: (grabs chair and wields it, frightening Dudley and Kitty who are back with the items) "Never sneak up on the Sharin' Moose!"

• Quacky: "Boy you guys are quick." (rubs hands together) "Okay, next on the list I want you to get me a missile from the Petropolis Military Base."

• Kitty: (puzzled) "Why do you need a missile?"

• Quacky: (nervous; lies) "Um... to deliver the pudding to orphans in Mexico?"

• Dudley: "Of course! Orphans love Mexican missile pudding!"

• (transition to Petropolis Military base; fighter jets and helicopters patrol the skies; Dudley and Kitty transport missile with a tracked vehicle)

• Kitty: "Dudley, something's not sitting well with me."

• Dudley: (gobbles down box of Quacker Jacks) "Is it the Quacker Jacks? 'Cause it said on the box that artificial bacon cheese can cause kidney failure." (points)

• Kitty: (annoyed) "No, I'm talking about this missile thing." (guns pointed at Dudley and Kitty)

• General Warthog: (backed by his troops; speaks with a Southern accent) "Hold it right there. What do you two think you're doin'?

• Dudley: "We're getting a missile for Quacky! I'm this week's Lucky Duck!"

• General Warthog: (pause) "Why didn't you say so?-" (rips off shirt to reveal Quacky tattoo) "-Quacky the Duck's my favorite show." (brings out plate of lasagna) "I learned how to make lasagna from the Pasta Puma."

• Kitty: "So, we can have the missile?"

• General Warthog: "Are you kiddin'? Take two! Anything for Quacky." (throws off peaked cap to reveal Quacky hat; starts quacking like a duck along with the rest of his soldiers; Dudley and Kitty drive off)

• (transition back to the studio; Quacky and the Sharing Moose are using a "Shrederator" to destroy evidence)

• Dudley: "Surprise!"

• (Sharing Moose grabs a chair and threatens Dudley and Kitty with it)

• Quacky: "Never sneak up on the Sharing Moose when he's shredding evidence.. I mean old scripts." (smiles)

• Dudley: "Sorry Sharing Moose." (to Quacky) "Anyway, we got your missile." (points to missile in studio)

• Quacky: "You're an awesome Lucky Duck, Didley."

• Kitty: "It's Dudley."

• Dudley: "Shh! Don't correct Quacky!"

• Sharing Moose: "Yeah. The Grammar Gopher made that mistake... once." (fistbumps Quacky)

• Kitty: (emotional; looks at photo of Gopher and hugs it) "And now he's gone... he was cute and cuddly and he taught me how to stop dangling my participles.."

• Quacky: "Anyway since you guys are doing so well, I'm gonna ask you to get me one more thing." (pulls out burlap sack) "This is the official Quack sack. You know who gets to be in it this week?"

• Dudley: "Who, Quacky?! Tell us! Tell us!" (shakes Quacky)

• Quacky: "The president of the TV network. Go get him and bring him here."

• Kitty: "You want us to bring you the network president in a sack? Why?"

• Quacky: (nervous) "Um.. because network presidents love to watch Mexican pudding launches?"

• Dudley: "Duh, Kitty!" (drags Kitty out of building while holding a sack) "You are totally embarrassing me."

• (outside the studio building)

• Kitty: "Wait a minute Dudley-"

• Dudley: "Didley!" (scribbles over paper) "Quacky said Didley, so now my name is Didley." (shows scribbled over birth certificate)

• Kitty: "Look, why don't you go on without me? I wanna check something out."

• Dudley: "I can't believe you don't trust Quacky this is crazy. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to stuff a network president in a sack."

• (Dudley leaves in the T.U.F.F. Mobile; Kitty uses a grappling hook gun and a laser cutter to break into the studio through the ceiling; then she sneaks to the shredder machine, opens it up and uses a camera gadget to view the shredded evidence as a whole document; it reveals a memorandum of "Quacky the Duck's" cancellation by the network president)

• Kitty: "Quacky's been cancelled? Then why is he sending Dudley on a scavenger hunt for the network president.. who cancelled his show?! I knew something was up.. I gotta call Dudley."

• Sharing Moose: (silhouette appears, then himself) "Curiosity killed the cat.. or in this case, gave her a concussion."

• (The Sharing Moose whacks Kitty with a pipe; stars indicate that she has been knocked out, which then transition into the stars in the sky above the network president's home; Dudley rings the doorbell at his home and he opens the door)

• Network President: "Can I help you?"

• Dudley: (holds sack) "Good news Mr. Network President, you get to go in the Quack sack!" (network president slams door shut) "He's probably just getting a jacket." (Dudley kicks door open and heads inside) "Helloo?!?"

• Network President: "Help!" (grunts)

• (Dudley walks out of house with the network president in the sack) "Don't thank me, thank Quacky."

• (transition to Dudley arriving in the studio)

• Dudley: "Quacky, I brought you the network president! He's really excited to be in the show. He was screaming so loud, I had to put him in the trunk.

• Quacky: (caps Dudley with winged Quacky hat) "Good job Didley, you earned your wings and your lifetime supply of Quacker Jacks." (holding two boxes of Quacker Jacks)

• Dudley: (puzzled; holding boxes) "This is only two boxes."

• Quacky: "Well, with all the trans fats and fake bacon cheese you can't eat more than two boxes and live. Now thanks very much and get out!"

• (Dudley is kicked out of building and onto street; puzzled, he sneaks back into the building via a stage door in a side alley; he enters and sees Kitty and the network president gagged and tied to the rocket)

• Dudley: (gasps in indignation) “No fair!” (cuts to show Kitty struggling with the ropes and then back to Dudley) “Kitty gets to watch the launch and I don’t?”

• (Then a silhouette of the Sharing Moose appears. Dudley turns to look and is promptly knocked out)

• (transition to Dudley, Kitty and network president all tied to rocket)

• Dudley: (wakes up tied to the rocket) "Kitty, what's going on?

• Kitty: "Bad news, Dudley. The Quacky the Duck show has been cancelled, and Quacky's going to annihilate the network president as part of his revenge... and us along with him!"

• Dudley: "WAIT? Quacky's been cancelled? Nooooooo!" (to network president) "How could you?!?"

• Sharing Moose: "Hey Didley, looks like you're the unlucky duck."

• (curtains open and kids cheer)

• Quacky: "Hey kids, this is the last episode of Quacky the Duck! And to celebrate, I'm gonna fire this missile into the Petropolis TV satellite!" (image of the satellite shown on TV) "When it explodes it'll be the end of television... forever!"

• Dudley: "Why did you need pudding, a map to Mexico and a police radio?"

• Quacky: (packs stuff in the trunk of his car, named the "QKY-1") "The map and the radio were for my getaway and I just like pudding." (eats pudding) "Counting Cougar, start the countdown."

• Counting Cougar: (speaking into microphone) "Ten.. nine... eight.."

• (Quacky is about to press giant red button and launch rocket)

• Dudley: "Wait, Quacky! It's wrong that you were cancelled, but destroying television is even wronger! Don't you remember Quacky episode 129, where you've taught us how to forgive and forget?"

• Quacky: "I forget."

• Counting Cougar: "Seven... six.. five.."

• Dudley: "You've gotta do the right thing Quacky, kids look up to you!"

• (Quacky hesitates; children in the studio audience are saucer-eyed)

• Quacky: (emotional) "You're right Dudley.. I can't push the launch button."

• (Sharing Moose pushes him out of the way)

• Sharing Moose: "Yeah, but I can. This show is all I got.. Well, that and the bowling alley in Jersey." (image of Dog Bowl bowling alley shown)

• (Sharing Moose pushes button; rocket is launched sending Kitty, Dudley and network president higher and higher into the air..)

• Dudley: "Hang on guys! TV's not ending on my watch!"

• (nudges himself against box of Quacker Jacks tied to his chest, causing it to open; greasy Quacker Jacks lubricate the ropes, allowing him to slide underneath)

• Dudley: "Thank goodness trans fats are slippery.

• (now approaching outer space, he falls, breaks fall by catching tail fin)

• Dudley: "Aha!"

• (Kitty and network president fall to the Earth; Dudley rips cord from the rocket's control panel, causing it to divert away from the satellite just in time and cruise back to Earth)

• Dudley: "Hi-gee-gee!"

• (jumps off missile and grabs ahold of Kitty and network president as they freefall to the Earth; the wings on Dudley's Quacky hat act as as a glider, allowing them to return safely to the ground, landing in the studio through the hole in the ceiling caused by the rocket launch. Dudley and Kitty land safely, but the network president crash-lands head first into the crates of pudding)

• Quacky: "Sharing Moose, it's time to make like the Escape Eel!"

• (Quacky and Sharing Moose attempt to flee, but Dudley opens a can of pudding with his teeth and throws it in their path; the pudding splatters over the floor, causing them to slip and fall on their heads - knocking them out)

• Dudley: "All's good that ends good."

• Grammar Gopher: (pops out from trap door in floor; speaks with condescension) "You mean "All is well that ends well."."

• Kitty: (hugs Grammar Gopher) "Grammar Gopher, you're back! Oh, this is the bestest day ever!"

• Grammar Gopher: "That's best day ever. "Bestest" isn't a real word, young lady."

• Kitty: (to Quacky) "Yeah, now I kinda see why you fired him."

• (drops Grammar Gopher down the trap door; transition to next scene: Kitty and Dudley are back at T.U.F.F. HQ; Keswick awards them with medals)

• Keswick: "Congratulations, Agents Puppy and Katswell. Just think, if The Chief had been puh-puh-picked as the Lucky Duck, this medal would have been his."

• The Chief: (opens his office door, a wave of tears flows out of the door; crying on his knees) "Why was I born?!"

• (The Chameleon appears on TV screen)

• The Chameleon: "It is I, The Chameleon! Since my Pluto plan failed to impress, I'm now going to blow up the Sun! Ten, nine-"

• Dudley: (speaking over to The Chameleon) "Hey everybody, Quacky's on! The rating's were so high for the Mexican Missile Pudding episode, he's back on the air...

• (switches channel from speechless Chameleon to Quacky's show)

• Dudley: "-from prison!"

• Quacky: (in a cell, wearing jail stripes and restrained to a chain and ball) "Hey kids, the Revenge Rabbit is gonna teach us a super-fun way to get back at the jury, that sent you to prison!"

• The Chameleon: (off-screen) "Fire!" (laser is fired at Sun; screen goes black)

• Dudley: "Well the sun is gone, but at least we saved TV?"

• Dudley poking his tongue at the screen is the ending gag

• THE END