Internal Affairs (transcript)

This article is a transcript of the T.U.F.F. Puppy episode, "Internal Affairs" from Season 1. It aired on November 27, 2010.

"Internal Affairs (transcript)"
Season 1, Episode 12
Production Code:	106B
Airdate:	November 27, 2010
Villain(s) Featured:	The Chameleon
Credits
Writer(s):	Ray DeLaurentis Will Schifrin Kevin Sullivan
Director(s):	Gary Conrad
Storyboards by:	Brandon Kruse Butch Hartman
Art Direction:	George Goodchild
Music by:	Guy Moon
Chronology
Previous Dog Daze (transcript)	Next Chilly Dog (transcript)

Transcript

• (episode starts with black and white newsreel footage; patriotic music plays)

• Male Newsreel Narrator: "Petropolis News presents, 'ONE T.U.F.F. CUSTOMER'! (image of an agent flea is shown) "Who is, this tiny titan of justice?" (agent knocks out bad guys with nunchuks) "That's T.U.F.F.'s number one secret agent, Herbert Dumbrowski.

• Herbert Dumbrowski: "Shhh!"

• Male Neswreel Narrator: "Oh, that's right his identity is a secret so I shouldn't have told you his name is Herbert Dumbrowski. (a sign saying "Herbert Dumbrowski" appears; the agent pushes it out of frame) "Whoops, I did it again." (Dumbrowski's birth certificate appears, followed by his address) "Sorry Herbert Dumbrowski, of 428 Maple Drive, Apartment 7, Petropolis." (scene shifts to Dumbrowski's front door, where the cameraman/narrator is promptly shot at by a blaster causing him to fall down)

• (view changes to an extreme long shot of Petropolis, then Herbert Dumbrowski standing proudly in front of a waving American flag)

• Female Newsreel Narrator: "Petropolis, you can sleep well knowing T.U.F.F.'s best secret agent is on the case."

• (Chief in present-day is shown sitting behind a film projector, watching screen)

• The Chief: (with nostalgia) "Ahhhhhhh..... Those were the days. Beating up bad guys and blasting narrators."

• (flashing noise and a shout; Dudley enters through door of Chief's office)

• Dudley: (tiny-sized) "Chief.. I've.. uh got a little problem."

• Chief: "Agent Puppy, I told you not to mess with Keswick's shrinking ray!

• Dudley: "I know but I was really hungry, (pulls out cookie) and now I've got this giant cookie!" (sees reel footage) "Hey, is that you Chief?"

• Chief: "Yeaaahh. I used to be a heck of a field agent." (Chief is shown judo-flipping a gorilla) "You know son, I envy you. Well.. not right now, 'cause you're a tiny dog and that's just weird. But you're still in your prime!"

• Dudley: "So are you Chief, you're still as sharp as ever." (having fallen asleep, the Chief snores loudly and spits his dentures out, which clamp down on Dudley's nose) "Ughh.. and so are your teeth! Eew.." (puts dentures back into the Chief's mouth, awakening him)

• Chief: (sees shrunken Dudley eating a cookie) "Holy! Now I'm giant! Finally, I can ride the rollercoaster with the big kids.... Oh, right, shrink-ray."

• (Chief's phone rings, he answers it)

• General Warthog: (on the line, with a Southern drawl) "Herbert.. it's General Warthog. I'm not gonna make it to poker night, I've been kidnapped by the Chameleon." (hanging upside down and tied in chains in the Chameleon's lair)

• Chief: "What?! That's terrible! It was your turn to bring the pizza bagels! Well don't worry, I'll put my best team on it. They're a big cat and a tiny dog." (to Dudley) "Agent Puppy, you and Kitty have to rescue General Warthog and get those pizza bagels back!"

• Dudley: "Kitty's at the movies Chief." (laughs) "She lost a bet and had to take Keswick. Hey! Why don't you rescue the General with me?"

• Chief: (sad) "Mmmm.. It's tempting, but I'm too old."

• Dudley: (enthusiatic) "C'mon! Deep down you're still the same tough guy from that newsreel!" (points to screen)

• Chief: "Well, I guess that's true... if you don't count my toupée, false teeth, artificial hip, bionic foot, short-term memory loss and.. uh, what was I talking about again?

• Dudley: "Going on a mission with me. I'd love to see you back in action! So what do you say? I'll share my big coookie!"

• Chief: (sees himself on newsreel, saluting the American flag) "I'll do it!" (salutes)

• (Dudley (still tiny) and the Chief are carried from the office to Chief's tiny car in T.U.F.F.'s parking lot via chutes; The Chief hits the pedal and starts driving to the Chameleon's rock lair)

• Dudley: (sitting in car) "Erghh, ughh! How do you get bugs in your teeth when you're this small? (fidgets with toothpick)

• Chief: (driving) "They're not bugs they're amoebas. Welcome to my freaky little world."

• (They pull up to the Chameleon's lair and drive right inside to find the General tied up)

• Dudley and the Chief: (gasp, then look up to the relatively giant Chameleon)

• The Chameleon: "Hehehehehe.. hahahuh. Now that I have successfully nabbed the General.. (shapeshifts into General Warthog) "I will use his identity to gain access to the Petropolis Military Base and redirect tonight's missile test to fire at tuff! But first, I will eat the General's pizza bagels riiight in front of him!" (gobbles plate of pizza bagels right in front of the General; laughs and snorts)

• Chief: (behind car) "That monster! He's not even using a napkin! We've gotta stop him! (jumps into action; Dudley watches)

• The Chameleon (Warthog): (sees Chief approaching) "Oooh! A hairy flea with a toupee.." (shoots tongue and swallows Chief)

• Dudley: (dramatically horrified) "Oh no! This is all my fault! I've gotta save the Chief! Hiiiiiiii-gee-gee!' '(jumps into the fray with a karate kick but is consumed by the Chameleon)

• The Chameleon (Warthog): (slurps) "Mmm... karate dog bug." (looks down) "Oh, that's going to go right to my hips. Anyway, time to destroy T.U.F.F." (walks off)

• (transition and next scene: Keswick and Kitty are at the cinema to watch "The Lizard of Oz")

• (seated inside movie theater)

• Kitty: (holding a bucket of popcorn) "Keswick, can you butter this popcorn with your butter ray?" (Keswick takes out raygun and fires; bucket disappears)

• Keswick: "Whoops. That was my invisibility ray. I've really got to start labelling my st.. uh.. st.. stuff." (chuckles)

• (Courtesy Clown via public address system: "For the consideration of others, please turn off all wrist-coms and butter rays.")

• (Kitty turns off her wrist-com; scene transitions to Dudley falling down the Chameleon's [still disguised as the General] esophagus)

• Dudley: (screaming) "I need back-up!" (calls Kitty with wrist-com but is put on voicemail) "Drat, voicemail. Hey Kitty! It's Dudley. Hope you're enjoying the movie. Oh, by the way the Chief and I got eaten by the Chameleon so uh, give me a shout." (continues to scream)

• (falls into the Chameleon's acid-filled stomach, where the Chief is taking refuge on top of a slowly shrinking pizza bagel)

• Chief: (via wrist-com) "Agent Puppy, are you out there?" (hears Dudley)

• Dudley: (lands on a pizza bagel) "Chief! I've found you." (receives message on wrist-com) "Hang on, someone's calling me."

• Chief: "It's me, Agent Puppy."

• Dudley: (presses button) "Okay, I'll let it go to voicemail."

• (pizza bagels continue to be shrunk by the acid)

• Chief: "I shouldn't have let you talk me into this." (looks at acid) "Because of me we're both done for."

• Dudley: "I'll get us out of here!" (punches stomach wall, but gets his fist covered in mucus) "Okay, that's super gross..." (cleans fist) "It's up to you. What would super agent Herbert Dumbrowski do?"

• Chief: "Well, he'd probably use his nunchuks to make this lizard up chuck." (looks through suit pocket) "No, those are my mukluks.. uh, my toy duck, some corn I need to shuck... Ah, here we are! (grabs nunchucks)

• (quick transition to the imposter General Warthog, being escorted through the underground military base by two other army officers)

• Otter Army Officer: (carrying a clipboard) "General Warthog, glad you could be here for the missile launch."

• (The Chief strikes the Chameleon's stomach with his nunchuks, causing him stomach-ache)

• The Chameleon (Warthog): (grunts) "Ooh uh, sorry. It must have been someone.. uh I mean something I ate. At ease, semper fi, remember the Alamo." (makes hasty salutes and walks off in pain) "(to himself) Hahhahahhahha, I'm having trouble digesting that hairy flea and tiny dog! (sees spider) "Oooh, but I know someone who won't." (eats spider)

• Otter Army Officer: (puzzled) "General Warthog.. did you just eat a spider..?"

• The Chameleon (Warthog): (nervous) "I'm sorry, did you want one?.. I mean, drop and give me twenty."

• (two soldiers drop and do push-ups)

• (transition to spider crawling down into Chameleon's stomach)

• Dudley: "Coool, giant spider..." (looks at spider's face) "I mean arghhhhh! Giant spider! I got this Chief." (attacks but is sprayed with sticky web) "Eeww, why is everything so gross when you're tiny?"

• (Chief shoots grappling hook pistol, takes Dudley with him and zips up into the Chameleon's chest cavity; the spider is struck by a falling pizza bagel and falls into the stomach acid)

• Dudley: (hits something) "Can't see a thing in here." (lights flare and looks up) "Cool, it's the Chameleon's heart!" (flare sets beating heart alight)

• (meanwhile)

• The Chameleon (Warthog): "Since I am clearly General Warthog and not an imposter, I have some new missile coordinates for you." (types T.U.F.F. location coordinates into computer) "Argh! Heart burn!" (grabs water cooler tank and gobbles water down)

• (water rushes down into chest cavity, flooding it)

• Dudley: "He's trying to droowwn us! Why did I play with that shrink-raay?! Oh right, for the cookie. It was worth it.

• (water extinguishes heartburn)

• The Chief: "C'mon Agent Puppy!" (grabs Dudley and flies away with jetpack)

• (scene transitions to Kitty and Keswick exiting movie theater)

• Keswick: "Whoa Kitty, that movie really stunk! It's like somebody bl..b..b..blasted the director with my no talent ray!"

• Kitty: (switching on wrist-com, then gasps) "Oh no.. I got a voicemail from Dudley. He and the Chief were eaten by the Chameleon!"

• (The Chief and Dudley rocket up through the Chameleon's esophagus, past his mouth and into his head cavity)

• Dudley: (standing on brain, wrist-com beeps)

• Kitty: (via wrist-com) "Dudley, are you okay? I didn't get your message 'cause I was at a movie!"

• Keswick: (via Kitty's wrist-com) "Made by hacks!"

• Dudley: (to wrist-com) "Kitty, the Chameleon's disguised himself as General Warthog! (looks through the Chameleon's eyes) He's gonna launch a missile at T.U.F.F. in three minutes!"

• Keswick: "Agent Puppy, the Chameleon's transformation suit is w..wa..wa.. wired into his brain. If you can disconnect it he'll turn back into himself, and be revealed as an imposter.

• (Dudley and the Chief look up, seeing the wiring and a plug)

• Dudley: "We're on it Keswick!"

• (scene changes to the Chameleon; missile is preparing for launch)

• The Chameleon (Warthog): "Yes, in less than two minutes T.U.F.F. will be.. headache!"

• (Dudley and the Chief try to spring themselves up at the plug, jumping on different lobes of the Chameleon's brain to bounce themselves upwards)

• The Chameleon (Warthog): (twitches) "Involuntary skippping!" (twitch) "Uncontrollable weeping.. and a sudden craving for pickles!" (eats pickles)

• (in Chameleon's head)

• Chief: (discouraged, having not been able to reach the plug) "Naah, it's no use. Oh, I guess I'm just not the agent I used to be."

• Dudley: "Wait! You're better than the agent you used to be. Didn't you say soemthing about having a bionic foot?"

• Chief: (unimpressed) "Yeah, I also have unshucked corn in my pocket. (holds corn) "What's your point?"

• Dudley: "Use your foot to kick the plug!" (makes hand gesture)

• (Chief prepares for action; Dudley swings him around, flinging him upwards. He kicks the plug with his bionic foot, destroying the connection)

• Dudley: "You did it Chief! You and your weird foot are heroes!"

• (With his suit's connection destroyed, the Chameleon transforms back into his normal self)

• Otter Army Officer: (points) "You're not General Warthog!"

• The Chameleon: "No. It is I, the Chameleon! And I have fooled you into launching a missile at T.U.F.F. Headquarters!"

• Otter Army Officer: "Oh no! Abort the launch! (screen counts down, 3... 2.. 1...)

• Chameleon: "Too late!" (missile launches) "It is time to make my escape." (salutes to group of military officers) "Ten hut, fall in, Bay of Pigs." (officers salute back, Chameleon crawls up to surface to watch missile)

• Dudley: (watching missile through Chameleon's eye with the Chief; speaking via wrist-com) "Kitty, the missile's been launched!"

• Kitty: (driving through the streets in the T.U.F.F. mobile with Keswick) "We're on it Dudley!" (presses button; vehicle transforms into an airplane)

• Dudley: "Chief! The Chameleon's gonna get away! Why am I yelling everything that's happening around me?!"

• Chief: "Don't worry son, super agent Herbert Dumbrowski is on the case!" (grabs Dudley and jumps down the Chameleon's nostrils to land on the ground) "Hey Chameleon, you're going down!"

• Chameleon: "Oh please, I eat bugs like you for dinner. In fact, I thought I already did!"

• (shoots tongue at Chief, who dodges, grabs it and throws the much larger Chameleon around with a few judo-flips)

• Chameleon: (groaning) "Okay, I'm about to start throwing up pickles." (Dudley ties his tongue around tree trunk)

• Dudley: "You're under arrest, courtesy of T.U.F.F.!" (jumps down) "Chief, you were awesome!"

• Chief: "Thanks Dudley. Let's just hope Kitty can stop that missile. (falls asleep momentarily, then wakes up to see a still tiny Dudley) "I'm huge! Oh yeaah.. shrink ray."

• (meanwhile Kitty and Keswick are pursuing the misisle with the T.U.F.F. mobile; Kitty jumps out of the plane, latches onto one of the rocket's tail fins with her claws and rips out the wiring in one of the rocket's panels)

• Kitty: (rocket continues to careen towards T.U.F.F.) "I can't disarm it Keswick!"

• Keswick: (still in T.U.F.F. mobile) "Why don't you use the air-brake?

• (Kitty pulls air-brake, missile stops inches away from hitting the building)

• Keswick: "Oh, there was really an air brake? I was just yanking your chain."

• (transition to celebrations in front of the T.U.F.F. building; crowds and T.U.F.F. agents are present for the Chief's awarding ceremony)

• General Warthog: (presents the Chief with an oversized medal that crushes him) "Congratulations Chief!"

• Chief: "Thanks General, I thought I was too old for this but apparently I've still got it." (both fall asleep and spit their dentures out)

• Dudley: (still tiny; General's dentures hit him) "Ugghaahh! So gross! Keswick, turn me back to normal!"

• Keswick: "You bet Agent puh..Puppy. One blast of my enlarging ray ought to do it. (fires raygun)

• (Dudley grows to normal size, but then grows into a giant, three-headed fire-breathing monster dog, reminiscient of King Ghidorah and Cerberus; begins terrorizing the people)

• Keswick: "Wow! I have really got to start l..l..l..labelling my stuff!"

• (ending gag with Keswick)

• THE END