|"Girlfriend or Foe? (transcript)"|
|Season 3, Episode 99|
|Airdate:||May 17, 2014|
|Villain(s) Featured:||Verminious Snaptrap|
|Music by:||Guy Moon|
- The Chameleon: It is I, the Chameleon! And I’m here to announce my latest diabolical--
- Kitty: Dudley, what are you doing?!
- Dudley: I have plans tonight and I didn’t want to work late. Wanna know why? I have a date!
- The Chief: Are you crazy, Agent Puppy? Monitors don’t grow on trees!
- Keswick: Actually they do, Chief. As evidenced by the monitor tree I’m growing in my lab. These monitors won’t be ripe for at least three days. In the meantime, we’ll have to go back to using our old phone system.
- Kitty: Well this looks simple enough. Aaah! What do I do?! What button do I press?
- Dudley: It was just me, Kitty. You didn’t want to hear about my date in person so I figured I’d tell you on the phone.
- The Chief: Fine. Tell us about your date. Rub my nose in the fact that I haven’t had a date in 6 months... and 19 years.
- Dudley: Okay! Remember that girl, Becky from the bank? Well this is another girl. Her name’s Daisy and she’s my new girlfriend.
- Kitty: (screams)
- Keswick: Oh, for the love of Pete, just press the speaker button!
- Snaptrap: It is I, Verminious-- wait can you guys see me?
- The Chief: No! Lover boy shot our monitor!
- Snaptrap: Oh, that’s too bad. Cuz I’m looking good today. I’ve been working out and I got my dead tooth whitened. I’m just letting you guys know that I’m going to come up with a new plan because I’m sick of being warted by you.
- Kitty: I think you mean “thwarted.”
- Snaptrap: Yeah I’m not so good with words. That’s probably why Larry keeps beating me at “Words with Enemies.” That and because he’s a cheating cheater who cheats!
- Larry: (screams) Anywho, I just wanted to warn you that I’m gonna figure out a way to stay one step ahead of you from now on!
- The Chief: That’s it? That’s your whole plan?
- Snaptrap: Well it beats being one step behind you which was my previous plan. SNAPTRAP OUT!
- Dudley: So anyway, about my girlfriend. I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I have one. I invited her to T.U.F.F. to see what a cool job I have. By the way, Chief, I’m gonna need a cool job. Daisy! That’s her! Everyone, this is Daisy, she is my girlfriend!
- Daisy: This is so exciting!! I can’t believe I’m here at a super cute agency with my super secret boyfriend! Oops wait, ha ha flip that! I’m so excited, I got it all jumbled up in my mouth.
- Dudley/Daisy: (giggle)
- The Chief: Well, sure, anybody could get a stupid girlfriend. Except maybe me. I’m getting a message. Our shipment of top-secret heat-seeking missiles is in. Agents Puppy and Katswell, get over to the Petropolis harbor.
- Dudley: Sorry, Daisy. Duty calls.
- Daisy: (giggles) You said “duty”.
- Dudley: Yes I did! I said duty but I meant another duty! We’re creating fun memories together!
- Daisy: I’ll miss you!
- Dudley: I’ll miss you more! (cont'd) Awesome! Invisible missiles! Ooh, and they’re light.
- Kitty: Dudley! Someone stole the missiles.
- Dudley: Well I can see why. They’re easy to carry. Maybe I’ll bring one back for Daisy. She is my girlfriend, with whom I have fond memories!
- Kitty: But who would take the missiles, no one else knew they were there?
- Snaptrap: It is I, Verminious Snaptrap. I knew the missiles were there and I took them. And you’ll never find me because I’m hiding in a top secret vocation!
- Kitty: I think you mean “location.”
- Larry (O.S.): He doesn’t know any words! I’m beating you at Words With Enemies by 6,000 points.
- Snaptrap: I’ll show you 6,000 points, cheater!
- Larry: (screams)
- Kitty: Wait a minute! Snaptrap, how did you know the missile shipment was coming in?
- Snaptrap: I’ve got some inside inflammation.
- Dudley: You mean information?
- Snaptrap: No, inflammation! I got swollen intestines from some bad chop suey. SNAPTRAP OUT!
- Kitty: Dudley, Snaptrap has inside information. There’s a spy inside T.U.F.F.
- Dudley: Well, I’d hope so, Kitty! Everyone in T.U.F.F. is a spy!
- Kitty: Grrrrr... It is so hard to talk to you!
- Daisy: Guys, I made ice cold sandwiches and tuna lemonade.
- Keswick: Did the words get jumbled in your mouth again?
- Daisy: Ha, ha. No.
- The Chief: Then I’m gonna pass on the lemonade.
- Keswick: Chief, if you had a girlfriend, she could make you lemonade the way you like it. But I think we both know that won’t happen anytime soon.
- The Chief: No, it won’t... because it already did.That is to say I have a girlfriend now.
- Keswick: No, you don’t.
- The Chief: Yes I do! I got her when I briefly went outside. Her name is... Exit.
- Keswick: Uh huh.
- Daisy: (squeals) Ha, ha, Yay! My super secret boyfriend is back from his super handsome mission! Oops. Ha, ha, ha. Jumbled it again.
- Dudley: Hey, Daisy! Happy two hour anniversary! I got you an invisible missile! But I lost it in the car.
- The Chief: Ooh! I’m getting a text from my new girlfriend. Who I have one now. Ooh! look, it says “Hi, I am your girlfriend.” Oops! Deleted it. Now you’ll never see what was totally there.
- Kitty: Anyway, Chief, Snaptrap got away with the missiles. Somehow he knew about the shipment.
- Dudley: Kitty, you looked right at Daisy when you said that. Almost like you suspected her--
- The Chief: Hold that thought. I’m getting an alert that our replacement shipment of missiles is in. Agents Puppy and Katswell, get to the harbor and bring those missiles back to T.U.F.F.
- Dudley: I’ve gotta go, Daisy. When we get back, you and me are going out.
- The Chief: My girlfriend and I are also going out. Maybe we can double date. In separate places so yo think she’s real.
- Kitty: Oh no! Snaptrap already stole the new shipment of missiles!
- Dudley: How do you know?
- Kitty: Because there’s a note from Snaptrap that says “I stole the missiles!” Someone’s clearly tipping him off, and I hate to say this, but I think it’s Daisy.
- Dudley: Wow, Kitty. Something about the way you’re accusing Daisy makes me think you don’t trust her.
- Kitty: Just think about it. All the information about the missile shipments came into T.U.F.F. while she was there.
- Dudley: What about the Chief’s girlfriend? How do you know she’s not spying for Snaptrap?
- Kitty: Because she’s not real! Dudley, I’m sorry, but I have to report Daisy to the Chief. It’s my duty.
- Dudley: I’m really mad at you, Kitty. And I know I’m mad because you said “duty” and I’m not laughing.
- Daisy: He he, yay! My boyfriend’s back! Did you get the whistles?
- Dudley: Ha, ha, ha, oh honey, they’re missiles and no. Snaptrap got away with them for no reason that relates to you. (cont'd) Come on, Daisy. We’re leaving. I don’t want to stay anywhere where people don’t trust you.
- Daisy: Sweetie, this door says exit. I think this is the Chief’s girlfriend’s room.
- The Chief: It’s not, but she’s real!
- Keswick: Agent Katswell, what’s going on here?
- Kitty: I think Daisy’s spying for Snaptrap. It’s the only possible explanation for how he knew about the missiles.
- Snaptrap (O.S.): No, it’s not. Agent Katswell never hung up the phone. I’ve heard everything you said today. Why am I singing this?
- The Chief: Is that Snaptrap?
- Snaptrap: Yeah, Daisy’s not the spy. It was me, I am an eavesdropper with swollen intestines.
- Kitty: Oh, no! Then this is all my fault?
- Snaptrap: Looks like you owe Agent Puppy an analogy.
- Kitty:You mean “apology.”
- Snaptrap: Whatever. I’m off Words With Enemies and onto a new game called Hide and Cheat. It’s where Larry hides and I destroy him with the heat-seeking missiles that I turned into cheat-seeking missiles. P.S. I also told Larry to hide at T.U.F.F. so you’re all doomed. I’m launching the missiles now! Snaptrap out!
- Keswick: We gotta find where Larry’s hiding, but that could take hours!
- Kitty: Dudley knows all the great hiding places at T.U.F.F. He uses them to avoid doing paperwork. I’ve gotta apologize to Dudley and get him back here. Dudley: (eats) Wow Daisy! I love watching dinner and eating movies with you.
- Daisy: It was supposed to be the other way around but I got so excited, I jumbled it again.
- Kitty: Dudley, don’t hang up. I’m calling to apologize. I was totally wrong about Daisy. It was my fault Snaptrap knew about the missiles.
- Dudley: So you’re the spy?
- Kitty: No, I’m just an agent who doesn’t know how to use the phone. The point is, I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry to you too, Daisy.
- Daisy: Oh that’s okay! What are we talking about?
- Kitty: Dudley, you need to come back. Larry is hiding somewhere at T.U.F.F. and Snaptrap sent a missile to destroy him and us. We need to find him right away.
- Dudley: We’re on our way, Kitty. By the way, Daisy, you’ve got some movie on your face.
- Daisy: Ha ha!
- Keswick: Guys you better find Larry quick. According to my estimate, the missiles will hit T.U.F.F. in approximately one minute. And it took me four seconds to say that so really have 56 seconds. Okay, now we have 54 seconds. I have got to stop talking.
- Dudley: Sorry we’re late, guys. But we had to stop and play tonsil hockey!
- Kitty: Dudley, you have to help us find Larry! We’ve looked everywhere.
- The Chief: We’ve even tried saying “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” But he didn’t come out! He really is a cheating cheater who cheats.
- Dudley: Don’t worry guys, I know all the best hiding places. Kitty, give me a hand.
- Kitty: Dudley, there’s paperwork to do! Dudley: Found him!!
- Keswick: Twenty seconds until the missiles hit!
- Dudley: Time to turn those missiles around!
- Larry: (screams) (O.S.) (cont'd) (screams)
- Snaptrap: Great timing, Larry. I just had my dead tooth whitened.
- The Chief/Keswick/Kitty/Dudley/Daisy: (cheers)
- Daisy: Oh (kisses) Dudley that was so hero! You’re a brave!
- Dudley: I am a brave! And you’re a pretty!
- Kitty: I’m really sorry I doubted your judgement, Dudley. Daisy might not be able to talk all that well,but I think she’s terrific. For you.
- Dudley: Thanks, Kitty. Maybe you can come watch dinner with us sometime if you don’t mind being a third wheel.
- Kitty: What? Oh I... I have a boyfriend. His name is... Fire Alarm.
- The Chief: Making up a boyfriend, Agent Katswell? Oh, that’s pathetic. Ring, ring. My girlfriend is calling me. She probably wants to have the romance talk.
- Keswick: Chief, enough’s enough. You don’t have a girlfriend. You’re even more pathetic than Agent Katswell.
- Kitty: Hey!
- Exit (The Chief's girlfriend): Hi, Herbert! It’s me, your girlfriend, Exit. I am here for the romance talk.
- Keswick: My bad, Chief. You really do have a girlfriend. I owe you an analogy.
- The Chief: Told you! Come on, honey. Let’s go watch dinner and eat a movie. I hear that’s all the rage these days. (cont'd) Thanks, Chameleon, I owe you twenty bucks.
- The Chameleon: Can I have it now? I have a date tonight with my girlfriend.
- The Chief: No, you don’t.
- The Chameleon: You’re right. I’m pathetic. Want to get dinner anyway?
- The Chief: Yeah, turn back into a girl. (cheers)
- THE END!
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